Free Poems: Humorous Or Otherwise Literature Review Sample

“If I”

If I should have children
I promise not to be that annoying parent

Who forces you to look at 40 of the same photos when you’re on your way to the bathroom.

I’ll know my baby’s cute. No need to rub it in your face.
If I should have children
I promise not to let them holler and scream in the store

Ruining everybody else’s shopping experience

Because my screaming child will be the only bad thing to happen to you that day.
Excuse me while I try not to roll my eyes so hard I sprain something.
If I should have children
I promise not to caudle them,

Keeping them “babies” their entire lives

Because wouldn’t it be the worst if a child actually felt like a parent cared.
If I should have children
I promise they will clean up after themselves

Before you come over to hang out with us

Because you will still definitely be the center of attention in our world.
My child’s developmental psychology be damned!
If I should have children
I promise not to listen to anybody but myself.
Should they run screaming through a Walmart, leave toys on the floor before you come over, or come home crying when they’re twenty-five, the world can deal.

They’ll have loved, and been loved.

Anybody who says otherwise missed out on that.
“This Walmart Smells Like *Radio Edit*”
I can’t tell you what this Walmart smells like.
Not accurately, anyway. My mother raised me better than that.

Put it this way, if that “People of Walmart” website had a smell?

Yeah, this is it.
All I need is Q-Tips and shampoo.
Normally I come in here trying not to get stabbed,
Or trying to resist impulse buy items,
Like this at-home Twinkie Maker! Hot damn!
WaitnoQ-tips and shampoo. See what I mean?
Anyway, this Walmart smells how a gas station bathroom looks.
Why didn’t I go to the fancy CVS
With its bright lights
Where it maybe does not smell,
But at least doesn’t smell like a fat dude locked
A rotting case of meat in a car for an hour?
This is what I get for not bring a list last time. This is my punishment. I am in hell.
This Walmart smells like shit.

Works Cited

Kay, Sarah. If I Should Have A Daughter. Ted Talks. Poem.
Rudd, Lynn L. "Just Slammin! Adolescents’ Construction of Identity Through Performance Poetry." Journal of Adolescent & Adult Literacy (2012): 682-691. Article.