Good Essay On New: The New School Mascot, With A Stamp Of Approval From Alumni, Will Appear At Saturday’s Game.
Section V page. 65: Rewriting wordy sentences
(Rewrite the following sentences, eliminating as many words as possible and correcting any other errors.)
The mayor said everyone had to cooperate together or someone would file a lawsuit against the city.
New: The mayor told everyone to cooperate or someone would file a lawsuit against the city.
It would appear that the new school mascot, which got a stamp of approval from alumni, will make an appearance at Saturday’s game.
As a matter of fact, some of the tickets were free of charge to the contest winners while other tickets cost the sum of 450 for handling fees.
New: As a matter of fact, some tickets were free for the contest winners while others cost 450 for handling fees.
Police claimed the armed gunman was carrying a dangerous weapon when he entered the bank with the underlying purpose of robbing it.
New: Police claimed that the gunman carried a dangerous weapon into the bank in order to rob it.
Local residents said they planned to evacuate in the event that the floodwaters reached the banks of the river and completely destroyed the town.
New: Local residents plan to evacuate if the floodwaters reach the river banks and threaten to destroy the town.
Section III page. 70: Avoiding wordy phrases
(Substitute a single word for the wordy phrases in the following sentences.)
When the movie came to an end, audience members said (commented to the effect that) they liked the film.
The mayor said the issue in question is not being dealt with because (on the grounds that) this opponent is not acknowledging (taking into consideration) the feelings of voters.
The professor asked the student to make an approximation of how many people in the state would marry (enter into bonds of matrimony) this year and how many would postpone the decision until later.
The business owner said his equipment would depreciate in value because (due to the fact that) the warehouse in which it was stored went up in flames.
All of a sudden, the motorist realized he was speeding (exceeding the speed limit) and came to a stop just before he saw the police officer.
Section IV page. 70: Simplifying sentences
(Rewrite the following sentences to make them more simple, clear, and correct any other errors.)
1. While they had not come to a final conclusion in regard to the plus for the new educational program the member of the school board said that tentatively a total of about more than 800 students would be served.
New: While they had not reached a final conclusion regarding the positive for the new educational program, a member of the school board hinted that more than more than 800 students would be served.
2. According to the currently held belief on the part of the design engineer, Jonathan Emory, who is 56 years old, the important essentials for competing the construction project on time will require an interim period between the design phase and the actual construction.
New: According to 56-year-old design engineer, Jonathan Emory, the essentials for completing the construction project on time require an interim period between the design phase and the actual construction.
3. Doctors rushed the boy who had been injured in the collision between two cars at the intersection of the Main and King streets into the emergency ward and later said the boy currently was in critically serious condition.
New: Following the collision of two cars at the intersection of Main Street and King, doctors rushed an injured boy into the emergency ward and later said he was in critical condition.
4. Police chased the suspects vehicle through town at a speed estimated to be in the vicinity of 80 miles per hour after it sped away from officers who had arrived at the scene of the accident.
New: After officers arrived at the scene of an accident, they proceeded to chase the suspect’s vehicle that sped away at speeds of 80 miles per hour.
5. The attorney for the perpetrator said despite the fact that a dangerous weapon had been found at the scene of the crime it did not necessarily mean that the weapon happened to belong to his current client.
New: The defense attorney said that regardless of the fact that a dangerous weapon had been found at the scene of the crime, it didn’t mean it belonged to his client’s.
Please remember that this paper is open-access and other students can use it too.
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